One time was staying at my house in the downstairs bedroom. Redditor Fapfapthrowaway5573 shared a horrifying tale featuring a grandma and a knife: TL DR: I masturbated with a condom-covered hot dog and nearly died. I wake up in the hospital to: my father (can't look at me), my mother (can't stop laughing), Hillary (in the corner, beet red), and a doctor explaining that I have a latex allergy and had broke my hyman, causing anaphylactic shock. My mom started ranting about drugs and Hillary panicked and told them what was going on. They called an ambulance and the EMT was grilling Hillary about what we were doing. Hillary says I passed out and she got my mother. Hillary hands me hers and I go to throw them in the wastebasket. I finally convince her to leave and remove the sausage. At that moment my mother BURSTS in (drunk) and starts screaming at us! She insists we're doing drugs and questions the blanket over us. IT HURTS! And it's like burning and I feel weird. I remember thinking, "Am I sure I want to do this?", but I hear her, like, moaning so I.plunge ahead. We sit on my futon, slide our pants/undies down, throw a blanket over our laps. She comes over, I go to the fridge and find we only have SPICY KIELBASA! I show her and we decide to still try but cover them in condoms. We (mind you, we are VERY experimental 16 year old girls) decide to try it with hot-dogs that night at my house. We decide it needs to be stimulated with something more penis-like.
We read the article and she tells me she had tried with her fingers to no avail. I told her my technique (rub it 'til it feels good, don't stop) and she showed me that month's Cosmo. I was the expert on sex, as I had a bf and had gone down on him 1.5 times. "My high school best friend, let's call her Hillary, approached me about masturbation. This story comes from Reddit user funny-chubby-awesome: All I can say is it must have been one hell of an orgasm to make me seize (more than the usual jerky cumming movements anyway). Very embarrassing to have to find out from them (since I lose a bit of memory of the event and am unconscious during it). So naturally my parents hear something and have to come in to me seizing on the bed dick out porn on the computer. One night I was going at it in my bed and lo and behold I have a seizure.
Reddit user pizz901 shared the horrific tale: Gym class was a new level of hell for me." 2. I had blisters on my shaft for several days. I put the cucumber in the microwave for too long.
I start humping, but instead of pleasure, I felt burning. I was super excited about my new cucumber fleshlight. One time, when I was about 12 or 13, I had the sweet idea of taking the seeds out of a cucumber, putting it in the microwave, and humping it. "This story isn't quite as funny as some of yours, but. Nice: Here are 50 of the funniest euphemisms for masturbation